Looking at the things I wrote about in my youth I can see I was looking for something I did not perceive to be getting from my own blood loving family. Looking at my entries I can see I was on the hunt something more. God, Emotional love, a different kind of family. I just want to go back in time, grab little me and say GIRL Go home. You have all the family you need. Maybe they are not giving you the affection you want but you have it girl!
So on June 16th 2001 one I’m yapping about RJ the straight guy again. Also I’m spending more time at my friend Lisa’s where I hope to move to. I am spending less and less time at home (my sisters).
Moving on to the 17th I can see I had relationships with people that I perceived to be deeper then they really were…
“My baby brother was at Church. He almost knocked over the projector. I thought it was funny.”
Perception is reality. One thing I can learn from my past is to double check perception cause how you perceive reality is how it is, at least to you. My mom always told me you have no friends or the people you think are your friends are not… I always thought she was kinda crazy. Looking back was she?
So next up we have the 18th of June and nothing really happened. I was so in denial crush mode on that RJ guy I wrote,
“Our friendship has something other friendships don’t have. What that is I have yet to find out. ”
Girl you like him and he is straight! Save yourself a few years and learn it now! Me to me from 2017! lol
So closing out the recent typing session we have the 19th. I rode my bike back to my sisters apparently. I never wrote what I did while there. I did pick up food for Lisa and Joe.
So on this day I found out RJ’s lil secret. I write,
“He is on the bracelet. Yep, he’s like under house arrest. He never told me. I only found out today when he showed the bracelet to Desiree. I was stunned! Question: Why didn’t he tell me?”
Looking back maybe he was worried I talked to much. I mean girl I was the next level gay and everyone knew it. I tried to give a good “Praise the Lord” but girl let’s be real was giving gay in the closet with the door open REALNESS! lol